How Hate, Humiliation & Hormones Can Make You Fluent
Introduction: When Language Learning Gets Personal
“My teacher is a joke. I’m DONE with French!”
That was my son’s dramatic declaration after bombing a French exam. Well, he thought he bombed. I told him that he can only give up French if he passes the exam with good marks. Illogical. I know. But I am a mother, I don’t need logic.. Illogical. I know. But I am a mother, I don’t need logic or to explain myself.
What followed was a tantrum worthy of ancient Greek theatre — thunder, tears, metaphorical centaurs, and our dog barking in French Oui, ouaf ouaf being to invested in the domestic drama.
And he did it! Only to get rid of it.
And after all that fuss and getting great results only to get rid of French, he decided that he would, after all, keep it. Why? Come on, he is a teenager, he doesn’t need to explain himself either.
And just like that, we stumbled into one of the rawest truths of language learning: it’s emotional. It’s personal. And sometimes, it’s fueled by pure spite.
Why Motivation Matters as much as Methods
Sure, there are hundreds of “scientific” guides out there:
- Learn a language in 90 days!
- The 5-step formula for fluency!
- Speak like a native with this ONE trick!
But here’s the real secret: you need a damn good reason. This is the key element behind successful language learning.
Mine? Petty revenge. Social survival. And yes, at one point — a foolish teenage crush on Mr. Darcy. (Spoiler: he doesn’t live in Belfast.)
My son’s reason? To escape the clutches of a teacher he hated more than Mondays. Fueled by rage and a deal with a wicked mother (me), he studied like a man possessed. He got the 8. And now? He’s keeping French… voluntarily.
My Own Journey: From Mr. Darcy to Chilipollas
I didn’t fall in love with English because it was useful. I fell in love with an illusion — that stiff, stoic pride of British period drama. I wanted tea and literature. But I ended up in a country where vowels sound completely different to those in Pride and Prejudice, and then was slapped in the face in Liverpool with a Scouse accent and then ended up in Stoke-on-Trent being called ‘Duck’.
Then came Spanish — fast, fiery, unforgiving. I learned it out of necessity, not romance. Well, there was also love involved. I fell over the heels over Spanish swearwords. OMG, I have never heard such passion using swear words. And swearing was the first linguistic mastery I managed in record time.
And you know what? That’s exactly why it stuck. The emotion!
So… Why the Hell Are You Doing This?
Ask yourself:
- Are you learning Italian because it sounds sexy?
- French to get into a top uni?
- Spanish to stop getting scammed at the market?
It doesn’t matter what the reason is — it just has to be real enough to push you through the chaos, embarrassment, and occasional plate of sheep intestines (as you don’t really know what you are ordering and are too ashamed to ask).
Final Thoughts: Pick Your Language. Pick Your Enemy. Pick Your Reason
Language learning isn’t cute. It’s not always elegant. And no, you won’t wake up fluent after dreaming in Portuguese.
But if you have:
- A reason that gets you fired up
- A target to hit (or prove wrong)
- And the stubbornness to keep going…
You’ll get there. Fluency isn’t a finish line — it’s a fight.
So tell me in the comments (or just scream into a pillow):
Why the hell are you learning a language?
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