When you are sitting in the VIP section in the cinema with a large box of popcorn, a fizzy drink and a fully reclining chair, you don’t really care about the movie, do you? Well, I surely don’t. A great film helps, but honestly, the VIP treatment alone is already 80% of the experience.
My latest choice was… peculiar. Since I’m adamant about including Spanish in my life as much as possible, selecting a Spanish comedy screened in the VIP sala already ticked two out of three boxes. The film started painfully slowly, but it ended with an unexpected twist that changed everything.
The Perfect Seat
I sat in the middle of the last row. Perfect seat, I thought, especially since I had finally admitted I’m not getting any younger, and decided it was time for glasses—actually to see, not just pretend—despite the massive screen right in front of me. The movie began with an elderly woman in a wig and a dress that screamed terrible taste, asking to buy Bitcoin at a bank.
Oh boy, I thought, this is cringe! Uninterested, I reclined further, feet up, popcorn in hand, and mentally checked out.
At some point, my brain apparently went VIP mode too — fully switched off.
Plot Twist: Granny Is Not a Granny
Suddenly, everything changed! The woman in the wig wasn’t who she seemed. She wasn’t a grandma, and she definitely didn’t need bitcoins. The youngster already had more than anyone could imagine. She was a master thief marked by personal tragedy: her parents were killed in an accident, fostered from childhood, and driven by a quest for truth that led her to a corrupt politician at eighteen. Her revenge? Targeting politicians, stealing their money, and exposing them. A global ghost-hero: hated by governments, adored by underground communities. All stolen money went to academies teaching children critical thinking and skills to break the system that produces obedient citizens.
Comedy… or Cultural Misunderstanding?
This was not what I expected. Either I’d misunderstood what I was going to watch, or Spaniards have a very weird sense of humour. Both options were plausible.
This was a thriller. Compared to this film, Mission Impossible’s stunts seemed tame. She was hunted like prey by international task forces and private contractors, each with orders to eliminate her. Furthermore, an anonymous benefactor either wanted to recruit or destroy her.
When the Recliner Turns into a Panic Seat
Suddenly, I’m living the movie.
I shiver in the seat, feeling the tension with every plot twist. The girl discovers that one of her academies has been infiltrated. The children she wanted to empower are being monitored, ideologically shaped, and turned into weapons by the same corrupt system.
Oh my god! What is going on here?
I sit tight, following the drama on the screen, not daring to breathe. I crouch in my chair, hoodie half over my face, biting my fist to stop myself from screaming. Yes, I’m a screamer. So what?
Spanish Crime Movies Have Trust Issues
By now, I’ve got used to Spanish crime movies, which are always full of surprises, never as expected. I’m sweating through to the end, convinced she’d be killed. The only question is when and how.
BUT
THIS
WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE A COMEDY!
OR… WAS IT NOT???
I’m still puzzled, but somehow proud I can follow this plot in advanced Spanish. For a moment, I even convince myself that after this movie, I could graduate from C2.
Final Scene
It’s coming. This is it, this must be the final scene. Tucked into my seat, not sure where to hide. Like a child, I cover my eyes, still peeking through just enough to see how the task-force leader realises that he had already lost not just the chase, but the future that followed it.
The mercenaries stepped forward. The helicopters edged closer. The rain washed across the rooftop in cold sheets.
She stepped backwards to the edge, her heels touching the empty air behind her. She whispered, “You have never really been chasing me, only the idea of me.” Helicopters circled above her, their blades cutting the air. I shut my eyes even tighter, not seeing anything. I can’t. I’ll scream otherwise!!!
Reality Interrupts the Thriller
“Perdona, ¿Me dejé pasar?” a female voice whispered.
Wow. The sound design was amazing. I could feel her right next to my ear.
“Perdona!” louder and more insistent voice.
What a stupid ending, I thought for a second. That makes no sense!
On the third “Perdona,” I opened my eyes to find the lights on and people leaving. A woman waited impatiently for me to put my seat back so she could pass. I jumped up, letting her pass, and noticing my nearly full popcorn and untouched drink.
Same Cinema, Different Movies
People walked past, complaining about the “bad comedy” and the “cheesy granny character.”
Then it hit me, and I couldn’t hide a smirk. We might have sat in the same room, but apparently, the movie I “watched” would definitely make it into an Oscar shortlist, thanks to my wild imagination. So next time, remind me to bring a director’s chair, because clearly, I’ve got a knack for creating cinematic masterpieces in my head.
Until our next ‘comedy’ night, keep those popcorn buckets full and imaginations wilder!
If your brain also tends to turn ordinary situations into minor survival stories, you might enjoy the next chapters of Abroadien life. In The Country That Grows While You Drive, a winter road trip across Spain proves that the country is far bigger — and colder — than the map suggests, complete with numb buttocks, architectural surprises, and a cultural divide you only understand once you’ve lived it. And if you prefer chaos in smaller doses, Lost and Found (or How to Lose Your Husband) follows one wrong turn in Malta into a bar you definitely don’t take children to, a stranger with a scar, and a moment that could have gone very wrong. Same curiosity, different levels of danger.