Why stay in your comfort zone if you can live on the edge?
Why not make it easy and speak in English, knowing full well the other side can as well? Why even bother learning Portuguese? Why make yourself suffer, and everybody else around you?
I must be crazy, you must think. And you’re probably right. But that’s how I learn languages: stubborn, embarrassed, but still standing. Kind of. 🙂
Learning Portuguese: easier said than done
Deciding to add Portuguese to my language arsenal sounded fun and EASY. I already speak Spanish, so it should be a piece of cake, right?
BULLSHIT! Una mierda pincha en un palo! Translation? Same as bullshit, but with more sauce added in Spanish.
First of all, I realised learning Portuguese was double trouble for me. My ears kept hearing a Slavic language and desperately searched for meaning — but surprise, surprise, not a single word made sense. Meanwhile, my brain got a tiny hint of sense from the written word, because it’s a Romance language after all. The trouble was, my ears and eyes kept sending mixed messages. I was totally lost in translation.
OOOHH boy, this was going to be fun.
So, as you’d expect with my attitude, I spent the holiday in Portugal in a rather tragicomic atmosphere.
The Boat Trip Debacle
Preparation in full swing: Easy Portuguese book bought, podcasts downloaded, local radio tuned in. I was ready for full immersion. Full of confidence, I marched into a little stand offering boat trips.
I smiled, she smiled back. Good start, I thought.
She said “Bom dia”, I repeated. So far, so good, I cheered.
Next, I caught the word quer, which sounded similar to querer in Spanish. I decoded that she was asking me what I wanted. See? Smart cookie, that’s what I was.
“Um viagem de barco para uma família y um… eeehhh… perro,” I said, showing her my labrador. A boat trip for a family and a dog — except I had no idea how to say “dog” in Portuguese, so I just threw in the Spanish version. I might get lucky.
From Hero to Zero
End. That was the end of my glorious interaction. She replied. I smiled like an idiot. She repeated, and I kept smiling like a bigger idiot. She kept throwing words at me, and I felt them hitting my forehead with force — but the more she threw, the faster they bounced back.
Seeing her desperation, and what must have looked like my blank face with eyes popping and ears stretching sideways trying to catch the words, I gave up.
“Spanish? English?” I asked in a defeated voice.
She explained she’d been asking if my dog was good with strangers on the boat. Aaaaaaah.
In the meantime, my husband graciously swanned into the language mess and told me in Slovak (let’s mix another language in) that the kids had changed their minds and didn’t want the boat trip after all.
Me cago en todo que se mueve!!! I wanted to scream my favourite Spanish verbal abuse.
Now, imagine my face at this moment. I could only guess what it looked like, but it contained every possible emotion. Meanwhile, in my head, 4 languages were chasing each other, all of them losing their shit. And I was just about to lose mine.
I turned around to face the confused lady, “desculpe,” and took my arse (and my face with popping eyes) away from that place — a silent witness to my tragic failure.
Donkey Moments
Maybe you think I gave up and never intended to speak Portuguese again. WRONG! Remember, I’m stubborn and resilient. I might be foolish, but I’am willing to work hard. I will conquer learning Portuguese.
The next day, I prepared better for ordering food in a restaurant. This time, a kind waitress turned herself into a language teacher, taught me a few words, and even cheered me on when I asked for the bill.
The Big Lesson
The one thing you need to know is this: learning a language might be messy — and that’s exactly what makes it hilarious. If you’re brave enough to open your mouth, risk sounding ridiculous, and laugh at yourself along the way, you’ll not only build confidence and fluency, but also collect unforgettable language-learning stories. And who knows? You might even make a few new friends while you’re at it.
Next Step for learning Portuguese?
Go back where I came from and keep learning Portuguese. I will surround myself with the language, with books, podcasts and anything I can put my hands on. I will learn the grammar, find people willing to speak to me, be it my Portuguese friends or enemies. And the embarrassment and mistakes I make on the way? That’s just part of my everyday.
How about you? What language are you learning? Want to share an embarrassing moment, too?
Want to read more about learning languages? Check out my Language Tips for more hilarious stories.