Lost in Translation: The Sandwich Saga in Northern Ireland
I am standing in a tiny petrol station shop somewhere in Northern Ireland. It’s my first week in this new country, and my nerves are doing cartwheels. I’m here to work as an au pair and, hopefully, to improve my English — which, right now, feels like it’s on life support.
The family I’m staying with has stopped for a quick bite. I want to order on my own to practice. Behind the counter, a young assistant beams a friendly smile at me.
“Hi there! Would you like a roll?” she asks.
A roll? What kind of roll? Like a toilet roll? She points at the bread selection. Oh, right — a sandwich.
I stare at the glass display. Bread, cheese, meats, sauces — my brain has turned into a blank whiteboard.
Then she starts firing questions like a game show host:
“What kind of bread? White, brown, or seeded?”
“Cheese?”
“Toasted?”
“What salad? Lettuce, tomato, onion, cucumber?”
“Sauce? Mayo, ketchup, sweet chilli?”
This feels less like ordering food and more like an interrogation by a sandwich CIA.
My brain is screaming: HELP! I only know two answers: “Yes, please” and “No, thank you.”
So I guess.
“Uhm… yes, please,” I say, flashing a nervous smile.
“Cheese?”
“Yes, please.”
“Toasted?”
“Yes, please.”
“Salad?”
“No, thank you.”
“And sauce?”
“Uhm… yes, please.”
The assistant nods like I just cracked the sandwich code, then gets to work.
I have no clue what’s coming.
She hands me the roll — but this isn’t just any bread roll. It’s the kind of roll that looks like it survived a minor apocalypse. The bread is white, crusty on the outside but suspiciously squishy inside, like it had a secret life as a sponge. It’s toasted just enough to be crunchy, but also a bit burnt in one corner — a crispy little black badge of honor.
Inside, there’s melted cheese oozing out, but the main filling is plain pasta. On a sandwich. And on top? A generous slathering of ketchup, like someone accidentally grabbed the kids’ craft glue instead.
It looks less like lunch and more like a sad science experiment gone wrong.
But I pay and walk out.
The mother of the family — my future boss — watches me, eyes wide.
“Is that what you wanted?” she asks kindly.
I smile awkwardly.
“Uhm… yes. I like it,” I lie. I am a bold-faced liar.
I take a bite.
Disgusting. Worse than my student attempts at cooking.
But I don’t want to make a bad impression.
So I smile and say, “It’s delicious.”
This is me: a university graduate with an A in English, who just landed in Northern Ireland — and still can’t order a simple sandwich without a panic attack.
I make a mental note: Must study really, really hard… or I’ll starve.
📘 Phrase Glossary
| Phrase | Meaning |
|---|---|
| nerves are doing cartwheels | Feeling extremely nervous. |
| on life support | Barely functioning or very weak (used humorously here for language skills). |
| blank whiteboard | A completely empty mind — forgetting everything in the moment. |
| interrogation by a sandwich CIA | A playful exaggeration — the questions felt intense and overwhelming. |
| survived a minor apocalypse | Looks rough, messy, or damaged — very unappetizing. |
| crispy little black badge of honor | A burnt spot on food, described humorously like a badge or prize. |
| sad science experiment gone wrong | Something that looks strange or disgusting. |
| bold-faced liar | Someone who lies confidently or without hesitation (used jokingly). |
| Must study really, really hard… | A mental note to oneself, showing determination (with humor). |
🧠 Grammar explained
Present Simple 🟢
Use: To talk about facts, habits, general truths, and repeated actions.
Examples:
- I am here to work as an au pair.
- She asks.
- My brain is in panic mode.
Present Continuous 🔵
Use: To describe actions happening right now or temporary situations. Also used for planned near-future events.
Examples:
- I am standing in a small petrol station shop.
- She is smiling at me.
- The assistant starts preparing something.
- I am going to work for this family.
Present Perfect 🟣
Use: To talk about actions or events that happened in the past but are connected to the present, or for recent actions with present results.
Examples:
Who has just finished school.
The family has stopped here.
They have run out of meat.
❓Quiz Time
🎯True or False
🤓 Time for Grammar
✍️ Writing Practice
Writing Task:
Write a short paragraph (5–7 sentences) about a time when you felt nervous while speaking English or ordering food. Use the vocabulary and tenses from the story.
Sentence Starters to Help You Write:
- I feel nervous when…
- The assistant is asking me…
- There is a big selection of…
- I have never… before.
- The bread is…
- I smile because…
- I am trying to…
- I have just…
Example Prompt to Ask ChatGPT for Help:
“I wrote a short paragraph about feeling nervous when speaking English. Can you please check my grammar and suggest corrections?”
🤖Ask AI for help
Stuck on a word? Confused by a tense? Want to practice more?
Try these prompts with your favorite AI (like ChatGPT)!
🧠 Grammar Help
- “Explain the difference between past simple and present perfect with examples.”
- “What does used to mean, and how do I use it?”
- “Can you rewrite this sentence in passive voice: They made the sandwich fresh.”
📚 Vocabulary Boost
- “Give me 5 synonyms for nervous and how to use them.”
- “What’s the opposite of crunchy? Use it in a sentence.”
- “Make a vocabulary list from this short text: [Paste text]”
✏️ Practice Prompts
- “Give me 3 quiz questions about the difference between say and tell.”
- “Create 5 fill-in-the-blank questions to practice food vocabulary.”
- “Correct my sentence and explain the mistake: She don’t like olives.”
💡 Tip for Learners
Start your prompt with:
“I’m an English learner at A2/B1 level. Please…”
That way, the AI knows how simple or advanced to keep the answer!
More English Graded Stories… coming soon